Working, working, working...

I did several things today, including creating a form for which people can provide me with a bit of guidance on the non-fiction topics I write about in the future. I will leave this form open indefinitely. I appreciate the feedback.

National Novel Writing Month idea

National Novel Writing Month is the month of November, and the goal is to write a novel at least 50,000 words long between November 1st and November 30th. I’ve attempted this feat several times, but this is the first time I’ve had a good, solid premise, and I believe I may actually finish this time. The story calls for research to be done, and because I have no idea how much it will take at the moment, the novel will be a general first draft.

Novel Idea - 2013.

My idea involves an ancient civilization (the first on Earth) whose technological advancement revolves around the improving of their domesticated animals, which were originally used to help humans do various work that needs to be done for a stationary survival standpoint. Instead of heading down the path that leads to humans create nonliving vehicles, humans spend their technological resource time on improving the animals that were already of use to them. This leads to an earlier appearance of the sciences of bioengineering, genetics, and biotechnology, as well as the creation of energy as animals produce it (no need for oil, uses metabolism system), discovered through scientific research, resulting in an almost entirely different planet.

With this different beginning to the technology of civilizations, the modern world would be very different; culturally, technologically, and sociologically. This book takes an alien’s/outsider’s perspective, describing the human race from an almost pure observational standpoint, relying on little communication. This leads to interesting conclusions, although they may be flawed, reached by an alien, or aliens, from another world as they observe us.

As I work

I have discovered that as I work on my book, I return to years-old thought processes that have since been either discarded, or has become adapted to situations since the first time they were thought of. I've started to realize how different I've been in the past as compared to how I am now. I'm the same person I've always been, but it makes itself apparent how my mental illness changes along with my personality. I feel as if my illness is ripening, working itself deeper into my personality, behaviors, and trains of thought. This is not a complete surprise as mental illness tends to start asserting itself around this time in life, the age of twenty-five. Speaking with another friend that also has a mental illness has made me understand that these things, these mental evolutions, don't just happen to me, and are a part of others natural brain processes.

I have also rediscovered my love of writing that I had been hoping was still a part of me, and a significant one, as it had been. Ideas for writing projects flood my brain, appearing here and there throughout the day, along with ideas for drawings and other such creative pursuits. My brain feels like it has been stretching, and as its "dexterity" improves, my brain's ability to associate one idea from one discipline and another, vaguely similar idea, that is a part of a completely different discipline, with one another, paves the way for many appearing and quickly fleeting ideas. The amount of ideas is so expansive, I fear, that I will have more ideas for projects, writing and otherwise, than can fit into a lifetime. This fear, beginning as a fleeting concern, asserts its dominance over me as time goes on, as most old worries that have lasted, running in the background untouched, tends to do as they have remained out of conscious mental thought for a long time.

I am being forced to analyze my many and varied thought processes that I had previously put in place as methods of dealing with the overwhelming nature that is associated with schizophrenia. I feel as if I haven't done this kind of reflection since I had taken advantage of the "boredom" associated with jail to really think about who I am as a person and what I want out of life. The methods I have employed have certain side effects that I had not even noticed or thought of until recently. Some of the side effects are negative (and quite toxic), some are positive, and some are just handy and provide a skill, or skills, that I can utilize. I have also become aware, not for the first time, of certain control issues that have never been resolved, although not for lack of trying. Maybe I can revisit these ideas later and see if I am in a place in my life where I can perhaps resolve these latent issues.

Writing this book has been a positive and introspective experience so far, and I'm only just in the beginning stages of writing. I look forward to continuing my journey.

On my small project: "Kids these days."

As I socialized, many "rants" about all kinds of things started to become my trademark. Rants have been specifically asked for by others, stroking my ego as I learned I attracted an audience. Since they have been asked for specifically, I intend to write out copies of my rants, so that they can be better developed and created specifically before hand so that I do not miss parts of it. I have many ideas for rants, and each is a commentary on current society, using examples from the past and concerns about the path that leads to the future. Many of them are filled with hard criticism and reflects the feeling of the current time we are living in.

The first rant I intend to write is one I call "Kids These Days." This rant goes in to detail about the problems with the youth of our society, how these issues manifested themselves, and it ends with the concern over this generation of children and their future. I talk about society, politics, history, psychology, and many other issues in our environment that produces illusions that end up shaping our youth. I offer short-term and long-term ideas on how to deal with these things, knowing that the attempts I suggest are likely futile.

Since this, and other rants, are relatively short projects, I will be working on them as I take mental breaks from my book about my personal experiences with schizophrenia. Expect me to post complete rants here and there. If you would like to know about the rant ideas I intend to pursue, you can check out the small projects list.

The progress so far.

Here is a brief account of all the work I've done for my projects and this blog over the past few days. I will create posts like this throughout the projects I work on, as regularly as possible. I will describe the updates and progress briefly as to not divulge too much information about what is to come, and any memoir type commentary I feel like expressing.

Anyway, onward to the updates.

• Decided which chapters to work on first for my book, "Schizophrenia as I see it."
  
  I have chosen to start with the chapter in which I discuss the description of schizophrenic symptoms as they relate to me personally, using the DSM as a guide as to which symptoms to address. Each symptom will be explained in detail how they manifest for me and how I interpret said symptoms.
  
  I have also chosen to work on the chapter I call "I am not my brain," which is about the archenemy-type relationship of what I consider my self, and what I consider my brain. Both chapters are ready to begin a first draft, although subject to alteration based on the new DSM V. I may have to visit a library to see if they have a copy I can borrow, or at least one I can take photocopies of.



• Brainstormed.
  
  I have expanded and come up with more ideas for projects, including ideas for more chapters in my book on schizophrenia and more ideas for fictional stories and small projects.

A few thoughts...

I had quite nearly forgotten that November is NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. I am thinking about taking part in NaNoWriMo and attempt to write some fiction with the many ideas I have. I have several premises for novels, all seem equally fun to write. I'll give it some more thought before I make a decision.

"Schizophrenia as I see it" outline of chapters

I have just finished putting my ideas for chapters in the book in the order I feel most appropriate, although this is subject to change as new chapters are added, or some taken away. Anyway, here is the current order and brief descriptions of each chapter.

1. Introduction
2. Description(s) of schizophrenia - specific symptoms, multiple historical sources, famous psychologist/psychiatrist description, tests to determine diagnosis
3. History of schizophrenia - History from around the world, United States specifically, ancient texts, the development of the psychiatric system.
4. Descriptions of personal symptoms - How schizophrenia manifests in me and how it affects me.
5. Account of first hospitalization - An account of the first time I was hospitalized,
6. Other hospitalizations - A description of the circumstances of and experience of other hospitalizations.
7. Hypochondria - Another mental illness that I have been sorely affected by.
8. Managing personal relationships - How I maintain a marriage, friends, and family despite the difficulty incurred on someone with schizophrenia.
9. The lost years - An account of the blur of life I experienced between the ages of 16 and 19.
10. My educational journey - Describes the impact of, and journey of schooling.
11. Interaction anecdotes - Describes what I have determined on the subject of relating to people based on key conversations and observations.
12. Philosophical changes - Personal crisis on a philosophical level as I make my way through a confusing world.
13. The evolution of delusions - How my paranoia and accompanying symptoms have changed over the years.
14. I am not my brain - My struggle with an idea of a separation between me and brain, with the brain being overly controlling and unstoppable as a single entity.
15. Using logic and mental discipline to quell symptoms - The systems I have developed to assist with the negative symptoms of schizophrenia.
16. Sacrifices made to manage symptoms - The list of things I must sacrifice, including a little bit of humanity, in order to successfully manage symptoms.
17. Schizophrenia as an advantage - How it is possible to use certain aspects of schizophrenia in a positive, and beneficial, way.
18. Understanding mental illness (schizophrenia specifically) using computer analogies - How I see the way schizophrenia affects those afflicted using analogies to computers, specifically programs.

As I have said, these are subject to change over time as the ideas get more and more refined. If you have any specific questions about schizophrenia that would not fit into any chapter I have currently considered, I welcome such things and may be inspired to add a chapter.